WASHINGTON D.C. – A conservative movement to #abolishthe19th has taken Twitter by storm this past week, leaving the other twenty-something amendments of the Constitution feeling self-conscious about their relevance in the world. Dwindling into paralyzing insecurity, many have begun to question how they can become more contentious.
“First the nation was buzzing about the 18th, then they were up in arms about the 2nd, and now the 19th gets all the spotlight,” said the 10th amendment, who serves to emphasize the state’s role in balancing federal power. “If the 19th gets antagonized just by granting fundamental human rights to women, why can’t I for reinforcing basic democratic principles? It’s not fair. Where are all the fascists when you need them? Hell, while we’re at it, let’s bring slavery back just so the South can invoke me as a protection of their sovereignty.”
The 10th amendment is not the only one in an existential crisis. The 7th amendment, which grants citizens a trial by jury, has spent the last few weeks incredulous at its own untainted reputation.
“I don’t think the American people are apprehensive enough, or else I would have had my own hashtag long ago,” the 7th said. “If people can’t be trusted to return a borrowed pencil, they clearly can’t be trusted with deciding the culpability of a cold-blooded murderer.”
Reporters were unable to sit down for an interview with the 19th amendment. When asked to comment on the burgeoning resentment of its fellow articles, the 19th dismissed it all as merely “locker room talk.”