Op-Ed: Crosswalk May Stop My Walk, But It Cannot Stop The Winds Of Time

Graphic by Isaiah Little

Well well well, look who it is. Mister “Oh you have to wait a few seconds even though there are no cars.” You think you’re so fucking great, don’t you? Deciding who gets to continue on their journey and who has to put their entire life on hold, all with a simple color change in your ugly neon face. You feel like a big man, huh? Is that it?

I, for one, see right through you. I see the insecurities brimming just beneath the surface of your weatherbeaten LED lights, threatening to burst out in a shower of sparks, glass, and shame at any moment. It’s because you know the truth — your little power trip is absolutely nothing compared to the winds of time. You’re nothing.

Maybe that’s why you get off on shackling my dreams for those god-forsaken 30 seconds. You cling to any semblance of control, of power, in order to distract yourself from the fact that at the end of the day, you’re nothing but a smug assortment of metal and wires whose only purpose is to annoy the fuck out of me.

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings; Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!” You know about Ozymandias, you bitch-ass crosswalk? Huh?? Ozymandias thought he was hot shit, but guess what: he DIED, like an ASSHOLE, and left nothing behind except a stupid sculpture.

Guess who reminds me of Ozymandias. Go on, guess! It’s you! Hahaha! You’re Ozymandias!!

You stand there, with your dumb face, and your dumb pole, and tell us when to stop, when to go, when to eat, when to shit, I don’t have a girlfriend, and when to have any GODDAMN HAPPINESS in this world, but in a few hundred years nobody’s going to care! They might see your remains and be like, “Wow, I’m going to continue thinking about literally anything else because why the fuck would I care about this dead hunk of metal.” Do you know why that is? It’s because you suck! How do you feel now, crosswalk?? HOW. DO. YOU. FEEL. RIGHT. NOW. YOU. PIECE. OF. GARBAGE.

Oh good, it’s green.

About Jay Varhula 18 Articles
The latest in a long line of miners, Jay stumbled upon the Westwood Enabler after accidentally mining through the floor into one of their meetings. In exchange for several precious stones, the Enabler made him editor-in-chief on the spot. Jay's hobbies include: mining for rare stones and metals, singing chanties about the miner's life, and pet photography.