Los Angeles Monsoon Takes The Lives Of Four Thousand Leather Shoes

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The mass grave in Brentwood.

LOS ANGELES, CA — A mass grave erected in the middle of Brentwood was completed today, with an ornate tombstone dedicating the site to the lost soles of four thousand leather shoes, drowned in the Los Angeles monsoon of 2017. “They were so young,” Josh Cabal, a local fraternity brother and leather shoe enthusiast, said while kneeled in front of the tombstone. “I just bought them during Black Friday. And now what? Their leather musty and crumbly, the fabric within damp and moldy, and their beautiful sheen no longer polished.” While the leather shoe community is in crisis, lovers of moccasins and deck shoes, of loafers and leather sandals, and even those of dress shoes vow to rebuild by consuming even more leather products for the remainder of 2017.