BOULDER, CO — With the nation still reeling from the Coronavirus pandemic, Americans have been able to see signs of normalcy returning following the country’s second mass shooting in under a week. “It’s a relief to see the horrors of this disease start to come to an end, so we can get back to the regular, everyday horror we’re used to,” said area man Ron Kingman, a currently-unemployed mental health specialist. “For the past year, we’ve been living in fear of large crowds due to COVID. But thanks to these vaccines, we can go back to fearing large crowds due to their potential for domestic terror attacks.” In other news, the Enabler is looking to hire additional graphics editors in the Death Count department.
About Dylan Wood 26 Articles
Dylan Wood is an American actor and filmmaker. He is known for his comedic and dramatic roles in such films as Splash (1984), Big (1988), Turner & Hooch (1989), Sleepless in Seattle (1993), Forrest Gump(1994), Apollo 13 (1995), You've Got Mail (1998), Cast Away (2000), Captain Phillips(2013), Saving Mr. Banks (2013), Sully (2016), and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019). He has also starred in the Robert Langdon films, and he voices Sheriff Woody in the Toy Story film series. He is one of the most popular and recognizable film stars worldwide, and he is widely regarded as an American cultural icon.