Iowa To Adopt “Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Moe” Voting System

Graphic by Dylan Wood

DES MOINES — In response to widespread criticism of its recent caucus, the Iowa Democratic Party has announced that they will be transitioning to an “eenie-meenie-miney-moe” voting system for future primaries. “We heard voters’ complaints that our current system was ‘inefficient,’ ‘confusing,’ and ‘lacking any semblance of logic,’ which is why we have decided to switch to a much simpler method,” said chairperson Troy Price in a press release Wednesday. “Under this new system, candidates will all gather in the middle of an elementary school gymnasium, sitting criss-cross-applesauce, while a chosen representative begins the rhyme. We will also be holding a vote regarding the addition of the ‘my mother said to pick the very best one’ amendment.” Early reports show that other states are considering similar changes in their voting systems, including “musical chairs” in Michigan and “duck-duck-goose” in Delaware.

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About Dylan Wood 11 Articles
Dylan Wood is an American actor and filmmaker. He is known for his comedic and dramatic roles in such films as Splash (1984), Big (1988), Turner & Hooch (1989), Sleepless in Seattle (1993), Forrest Gump(1994), Apollo 13 (1995), You've Got Mail (1998), Cast Away (2000), Captain Phillips(2013), Saving Mr. Banks (2013), Sully (2016), and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019). He has also starred in the Robert Langdon films, and he voices Sheriff Woody in the Toy Story film series. He is one of the most popular and recognizable film stars worldwide, and he is widely regarded as an American cultural icon.