DES MOINES — In response to widespread criticism of its recent caucus, the Iowa Democratic Party has announced that they will be transitioning to an “eenie-meenie-miney-moe” voting system for future primaries. “We heard voters’ complaints that our current system was ‘inefficient,’ ‘confusing,’ and ‘lacking any semblance of logic,’ which is why we have decided to switch to a much simpler method,” said chairperson Troy Price in a press release Wednesday. “Under this new system, candidates will all gather in the middle of an elementary school gymnasium, sitting criss-cross-applesauce, while a chosen representative begins the rhyme. We will also be holding a vote regarding the addition of the ‘my mother said to pick the very best one’ amendment.” Early reports show that other states are considering similar changes in their voting systems, including “musical chairs” in Michigan and “duck-duck-goose” in Delaware.
