NUUK, GREENLAND — In an unexpected turn of events, Chancellor Gene Block outbid President Trump in the competitive and closely-watched sale of Greenland.
“In many ways, UCLA is like a mini-Greenland,” said the newly anointed King Block in an address to both the campus community and the citizens of Greenland. “Both places have people in them, and both fall under my benevolent and glorious rule. Long live the Blockian Empire, and go Bruins!”
His Majesty went on to explain his plans for converting the majority of Greenland into affordable student housing.
“Even including airfare, Greenland is much more affordable than Westwood. That being said, BruinBus will be adjusting its route to include trips to and from Greenland in order to make the country as accessible as possible.”
King Block ended his speech by having the royal guard perform an 8-clap, but not before quickly mentioning a 200% increase in tuition to cover the cost of Greenland’s purchase.