HEDRICK SUMMIT—Starved for human contact, residents of the ninth floor of Hedrick Summit played their fifth game of Cards Against Humanity in three days. “I close my eyes and I see the black and white Helvetica,” said first-year Psychobiology student Jessica Ahn shortly before returning to the floor’s lounge for another round. “I swear to God, if I see ‘two midgets shitting into a bucket’ or hear ‘Stephen Hawking talking dirty’ one more time, I will fucking snap.” Further studies revealed that zero out of five students actually enjoyed the card game, but that four out of five would sooner drop out altogether than be alone for more than two hours.
About Melissa Peng
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Melissa is an invaluable satirist and talented humor writer with the Enabler who has contributed much material, tangibly and intangibly, to reality, and surreality. Her secrets are hers to keep, I'm not about to start revealing scandalous information in a short bio, not gonna happen!! Why would you even think that? Rude.