PALESTINE ISRAEL MIDDLE EAST—Commenting on a Youtube video entitled “Best Potato Kugel Recipe,” vocal members of the internet came together last Tuesday to definitively resolve the tumultuous, decades-old Arab-Israeli conflict with a series of tense, poorly structured paragraphs.
Carsten Hansen, a 35-year old Christian male from Delaware, opened the Cyber-Detente with the assertion: “Israel is ½ size of Denmark and Holland. Really small.” Hansen afterwards cited several wikipedia pages about the nature of Sharia law, then closed, “Muslims are holding the world back as a spices [sic].”
The 400-word stance met heavy backlash from opponents, such as user leagandxX Xxgamer, who tersely responded, “the jews had no rite [sic] to create a state in palastine [sic],” and Eric Jacobs, who offered the rhetorical question: “Will the kugel be as crispy if I use canola oil?”
The detente reached an apex with each side calling the other “terrorists brainwashed by extremist propaganda” before Gavin Snyder, an Ohio native in his early twenties, arrived with a balanced compromise:
“lets just evacuate a 100 mile radius from Jerusalem and nuke it. then noone can claim the area as it will be unhabitable for the next 100,00 years or so. Problem solved.”
Snyder’s plans met unanimous approval by a United Nations vote and will be carried out later in the calendar year. Though no official comment has been made, the Norwegian Nobel Committee is allegedly considering Snyder for the 2016 Peace Prize.
Though the main crises have been put to rest in this historical event, a number of questions still exist for future debates. Long after the detente’s conclusion, Noemi Aradi alone was left to ask the question, “can i put sweet potato instead of regular potato?” As of this report, no response has been given.