App Downloads Man
WESTWOOD—After reading several positive reviews last Thursday, Facebook Mobile downloaded a twenty-two year old man named Tom Sidney. “With Sidney, it’s like I have my […]
Articles by Melissa Peng
Student Body Breathes Collective Sigh Of Relief As Last Bruins United Campaigner Leaves Bruin Walk
WESTWOOD—Thirty thousand undergraduates at UCLA suddenly exhaled deeply, releasing a week’s worth of tension, yesterday at 3:10 p.m. when the last remaining campaigner for Bruins […]
12 Pictures Of Dialysis Machines To Get You Through Midterms
1. So, it’s midterm week. 2. And you may be feeling a little bit overwhelmed… 3. But these adorable artificial kidneys have your back! 4. […]
First-Year Declines Invitation That Would Have Been Best Night Of Life
WESTWOOD, DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES, LECHUZA BEACH—In a move that she would regret until her dying breath, first-year student Amy Milligan turned down an offer to “hang […]
Student Still Believes She Can Make A Difference
WESTWOOD–Citing her optimistic attitude and enthusiastic involvement in several clubs, sources confirmed that first year Kelsey Weaver still thinks she can make a significant impact […]
Freshman Floor Plays Another Fucking Game of Cards Against Humanity
HEDRICK SUMMIT—Starved for human contact, residents of the ninth floor of Hedrick Summit played their fifth game of Cards Against Humanity in three days. “I […]
Woman Eating Alone Reads Sriracha Label Twenty-three Times
WESTWOOD—Noting her intense gaze and furrowed brow, sources confirmed that UCLA student Sophia Wu read her Sriracha bottle’s label a total of 23 times while […]
Student Resents Professor’s Chinese Accent, Totally Fine With TA’s Italian Accent
WESTWOOD — According to sources, UCLA student Neil Taegan, known for openly mocking Economics Professor Hui Li’s Chinese accent, has no qualms about T.A. Sofia […]
Undocumented Immigrants Taking All Of Nation’s Resources, Says Study Conducted By Racist Uncle
FREMONT, CA — For the fourth consecutive year in a row, self-proclaimed scientist and uncle to five Joey Burke announced at a Thanksgiving dinner turned […]
Student Lists Proficiency At Microsoft Word As Only Skill On Resume
WESTWOOD — Eager to advertise her technological savvy, UCLA student Jennifer Shaw made sure to highlight her experience with Microsoft’s popular word processor by including nothing […]