WESTWOOD — In what is being called a “cultural tragedy,” the UCLA archaeology department was abolished last Wednesday after all of its materials were incinerated due to a misunderstanding about the nature of the Fossil Free UC movement. “Unfortunate as it is, this really was unavoidable,” stated Chancellor Gene D. Block filling up his iconic Hummer, “The most important thing to remember in light of this event is that there is no blame to be placed, especially not on one person, like, hypothetically, me, for example. I think we can all agree that in the future we need to be more clear with the messages we send and not leave so much room for interpretation.” At press time, the energy from the fossils’ burning was being used to power Block’s desk fan.
About Ben Robinow 4 Articles
Ben is a first-year ecology, behavior, and evolution major who is merely a vessel for a being whose true form your puny mortal brain could not begin to fathom. He enjoys his days on earth, and hopes that you do too, as they are numbered.