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Articles by Ben Robinow

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About Ben Robinow
Ben is a first-year ecology, behavior, and evolution major who is merely a vessel for a being whose true form your puny mortal brain could not begin to fathom. He enjoys his days on earth, and hopes that you do too, as they are numbered.

Coronavirus Revealed To Be Hoax By Nintendo To Increase Animal Crossing Sales

April 24, 2020 Ben Robinow 0

KYOTO, JAPAN — Today, in a private interview with Enabler correspondents, Nintendo president Shuntaro Furukawa revealed that Nintendo orchestrated the Coronavirus pandemic to increase sales […]

Seven Neat Ways To Actually MAKE Money This Holiday Season

December 10, 2019 Ben Robinow 0

Yes, it’s that time of year again! A time of joy and cheer, a time of love and family, and above all, a time of […]

Fossil Free UC Misunderstanding Leads To Loss Of Archaeology Department

November 3, 2019 Ben Robinow 0

WESTWOOD — In what is being called a “cultural tragedy,” the UCLA archaeology department was abolished last Wednesday after all of its materials were incinerated […]

Cole Sprouse Admits He Absorbed Third Sprouse Child In Womb

November 3, 2019 Ben Robinow 0

LOS ANGELES — Earlier this week during an informal interview inside of an Applebee’s, Cole Sprouse revealed that he absorbed his third brother, Sheldon, while […]

Richter Scale Objectifies Earthquakes, Claims California Advocacy Group

October 29, 2019 Ben Robinow 0

SAN FRANCISCO — Following a slew of recent earthquakes, a Bay Area advocacy group demanded the use of the Richter scale be discontinued due to […]

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