MIAMI— In an event televised across the galactic quadrant, the humans of Earth have chosen from among their flock a new “Miss Universe” to reign over all of mankind for the next solar cycle. The contestant, who chooses to be called “Paulina Vega”, is 22 years of age, a resident of the Earth nation known as “Columbia” and is, as of yet, unproven in battle. Said the almighty general Garlock the Destroyer on the incident: “It is just like them to choose such a weak specimen from among their race. If need be, our warrior class would crush these puny humans into dust, no questions asked.” Vega, whose only skill appears to be business administration, possesses no exoskeleton that would protect her fragile frame from the harmful rays of Sirius 8, nor sound a military strategy to defend her planet from a hoard of Gorglemites. Indeed, her advocacy of the failed concept of “peace”, has led many to question the judgement of Real Housewive’s mighty Lisa Vanderpump who was among the select Earthmen that chose her. “Her strategy is faulty, if she has one at all”, said Garlock on Vanderpump, “Come, bring your ‘Miss Universe’ to me, and our plasma sabers shall decide who the true Lord of this quadrant is.”
