Dining Hall Employee Getting Really Tired Of Your Shit

By , in Campus News on .
Wollman’s interview was interrupted when a student came in to tell her that he couldn’t remember his locker number.

WESTWOOD—After multiple claims that she was getting frustrated with patrons stealing things, sneaking in, and generally causing a ruckus, dining hall employee Diane Wollman confirmed last evening that she is getting really tired of your shit. “I see you trying to smuggle 14 bananas out in your oversized sweatshirt. I know you can hear me when I yell at you and tell you to come back. I can’t take this bullshit any longer,” she said as she carefully examined the BruinCard of a student entering the dining hall before swiping them in. “I don’t know how you guys think this behavior is okay. Last week I caught someone with two whole bottles of Sriracha up his sleeves and 15 plates in his sweatshirt pocket. This dining hall is an eatery, for God’s sake, not your personal supply closet; if somebody tries to pull this shit on me one more time, I swear to God, I’m gonna lose it.” At press time, Wollman was being called into her boss’s office after abandoning her position at the register to give everyone who left the dining hall an intensive pat-down.