North Korea Launches Full-Scale Metaphorical Assault On United States
PYONGYANG—Claiming vast amounts of rhetorical power as well as the idea of a massive army, North Korean officials announced plans today to metaphorically annihilate the […]
PYONGYANG—Claiming vast amounts of rhetorical power as well as the idea of a massive army, North Korean officials announced plans today to metaphorically annihilate the […]
LOS ANGELES—After having lived a life completely unmolested by the truth of organized religion, 43 year old lawyer Toby Gilson’s life was completely transformed last […]
BRENTWOOD—In an unfortunate incident that drew the attention of parents and plump kids across the country, Heatherwood Elementary School’s Leslie Mitchell found himself unable to […]
LOS ANGELES—Local police officer Warren Jameson has been placed under investigation after reportedly shooting and killing Black Friday in a violent altercation this morning. The […]
SILVER LAKE—Local privately-owned bookstore Bookmarx has announced plans for their first-ever Black Friday sale this week. The store, which features a wide selection of communist […]
WASHINGTON D.C. – This Wednesday, President Obama participated in the annual tradition of the Thanksgiving Turkey Pardon. Unusually, Obama chose a turkey from Guantanamo Bay. Truffles […]
DES MOINES, IA — According to a recent study conducted by the Institute for the Research on Residual ’90s Influences, the annual rate of wallet […]
OAKLAND—Declaring that they can no longer support an institution invested in companies that facilitate civil rights abuses and climate change among other issues, the UC board […]
WASHINGTON—Citing the immense cost it takes to power the sun as well as a lack of sun-related job creation, president Obama announced today that the […]
SEATTLE—Noting a spike in the serotonin levels of test subject 110021a, nicknamed “Alfred”, scientists at the Bryer National Laboratory concluded this morning that the rodent […]
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