Bald Eagle Buys Wig

Graphic by Isaiah Little

ROCKPORT, WA — Visitors at the Skagit River Bald Eagle Interpretive Center report spotting a bald eagle flying near the Center wearing a fashionable wig. “Yeah, you caught me, okay? Just because I’m the symbol of American strength and majesty doesn’t mean I don’t get insecure,” said the now not-so-bald eagle, as he shook away tufts of golden locks from his beady eagle eyes. “Imagine being called out by name, all your life, by your lack of hair? How would you like it, fatty?” In response, Rogaine has announced an upcoming line of feather-enhancing products.

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About Mackenzi Elias 13 Articles
Mackenzi is 5''9 (if that matters). She doesn't go on this much so hit her up on Instagram ;)