WESTWOOD — In what onlookers have described as a “display of pure originality,” local douchebag Jake Gordonsky revealed last Friday that he totally identifies with a popular TV anti-hero. “As someone who also possesses a devilishly sharp mind and killer instinct for social manipulation, I just get where [the anti-hero] is coming from,” said Gordonsky, proudly adjusting his assistant manager pin while addressing reporters in the Fairfax Petco where he works. “Not to mention his effortless success with, ah, the ladies. If you know what I mean. If you don’t, what I mean is that I have a whole bunch of sex with girls. Hot ones! They really like me, ask anybody. Except Chris in warehouse, that guy’s a lying normie cuck.” Gordonsky was not available for further comment after his shift, as he needed to return to his busy schedule of playing Apex Legends and masturbating.
About Jay Varhula 21 Articles
The latest in a long line of miners, Jay stumbled upon the Westwood Enabler after accidentally mining through the floor into one of their meetings. In exchange for several precious stones, the Enabler made him editor-in-chief on the spot. Jay's hobbies include: mining for rare stones and metals, singing chanties about the miner's life, and pet photography.