WESTWOOD — Your Ancestry.com results revealed Tuesday that you are the only virgin in your family lineage. “Every single one of your direct ancestors were porking like crazy,” says lead scientist Dr. Chad Durstman (she/her), currently boning, boinking, having sex with, and doing the hanky panky with your mom. “They did it raw, too. Just splooged all up in there.” At press time, you were seen signing up to the r/UCLA hookup sheet, but to no avail.
