Academy Not Racist, Has Black Friend

The Academy, pictured with alleged friend Marcus.

 

The Academy, pictured with alleged friend Marcus.
The Academy, pictured with alleged friend Marcus.

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Following accusations that the 2016 Academy Awards are biased against actors of color, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences confirmed to the public that they do in fact have a black friend.

“I have a black friend,” announced the Academy, hoping to clear up the controversy that had been brewing online since the 2016 Academy Award nominees were released in mid-January. “His name is Marcus.”

Frustrated by the lack of representation in this year’s award show, Twitter activists organized online with the common hashtag “#OscarsSoWhite.” The objective was to put pressure on the Academy, and like all great examples of online activism the movement has led to no concrete action.

However, observers have noticed that since the announcement of the Academy’s diverse friendship with Marcus, criticism has drastically decreased. The Academy’s brave clarifying remarks have slowed accusations, because friendship with Marcus ensures that the Academy cannot possibly be racist.

“I first met Marcus in a freshman seminar on African-American History,” said the Academy. “The class really opened my eyes to why it is so important to appreciate and celebrate diversity. I ended up with an A, so I guess you could say I’m a bit of an expert when it comes to stuff like this.”   

When asked for more contact information about Marcus for his memories of the friendship, the Academy struggled to respond and instead redirected the conversation by desperately pleading, “Can we just all agree to stop boycotting the Oscars now?”

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Devil's Chief Advocate and official Business Boy (TM) of The Westwood Enabler. Twitter: @itsnateglovy