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Month: May 2014

Ashe Center Doctor Diagnoses Patient as “Sick”

May 28, 2014 Stephen Reichenbach 0

WESTWOOD—Earlier today, the Westwood Enabler received confirmation that a doctor working in the Ashe Center had diagnosed a student as being “sick.” According to reports, […]

Kinky Lab Rat Likes Being Abused

May 23, 2014 Luke Moran 0

SEATTLE—Noting a spike in the serotonin levels of test subject 110021a, nicknamed “Alfred”, scientists at the Bryer National Laboratory concluded this morning that the rodent […]

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Student Neglects to Forward Chain Letter, Almost Dies

May 21, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

WESTWOOD – Yesterday morning, police were called to UCLA’s dormitories after a student woke up in terror. The student, whose name cannot be revealed for […]

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Murphy Sculpture Garden Sculptures Arrested for Indecent Exposure

May 19, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

WESTWOOD, CA – The UCLA Police Department arrested over a dozen sculptures in the Franklin D. Murphy Sculpture Garden Sunday on charges of indecent exposure. […]

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Alanis Morissette Finally Catches Up On Word Of The Day Calendar

May 18, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

WESTWOOD, CA — 7 time Grammy Award-winning alt-rocker Alanis Morissette revealed to reporters late Friday night that the backlog of words created from falling behind […]

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Spring Sing Mix Up Leads To Choreographed Hostage Situation

May 17, 2014 Nathan Guzik 0

WESTWOOD — The much anticipated seasonal jubilee known as Spring Sing saw an impressive number of attendants as expected yesterday evening, though the otherwise exuberant […]

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Royce Light Show “More Dangerous Than Banned Pokemon Episode”

May 14, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

WESTWOOD – Rumors surrounding the Royce Hall light show have been working their way up and down Bruinwalk, and some of them are not in […]

A Bunch Of Grad Students Just Doing Their Thing

May 12, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—A bunch of grad students were spotted in Westwood village early Sunday evening just sort of hanging out, doing their grad student thing. At approximately […]

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UC Spring Break To Be Shortened By One Week In Observance Of Jewish Holiday

May 9, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

OAKLAND, CA – The University of California academic calendar underwent further modification Monday after UC officials announced the shortening of spring break for the 2014-2015 […]

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W.E. Guide To 2014 Student Elections

May 9, 2014 Nathan Guzik 0

Student Elections are often confusing, skull-smashingly boring affairs, where we have the chance to make the over-achievers and go getters of today become the politicians […]

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