Benevolent Overlord Gene D. Block Graciously Allows Students His Precious Time
WESTWOOD – Chancellor Gene D. Block, Benevolent Overlord of UCLA, has graciously offered one hour of His precious time to students on Monday, May 18. […]
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4 Students Found Dead In Deep Recesses of Library Stacks
WESTWOOD—In what began as a potential footnote on an extra credit paper for the course HIST151P, History of Scottish Paedophilia, 3rd year Communications major Lou […]
Parkour Club Submits Request To Move Buildings Closer Together
WESTWOOD—Noting the present difficulty in performing cross-building vaults, badass flips, roof-to-roof diving rolls and miscellaneous leaps, UCLA’s parkour club submitted a petition today demanding that […]
Obama Pardons Terrorist Turkey
WASHINGTON D.C. – This Wednesday, President Obama participated in the annual tradition of the Thanksgiving Turkey Pardon. Unusually, Obama chose a turkey from Guantanamo Bay. Truffles […]
Area Man Convinced He Was ‘Spotted On Bruin Walk’
WESTWOOD — Scrolling desperately through the latest submissions on popular missed connection site Spotted on Bruin Walk Sunday, 3rd year UCLA Computer Science major and […]
Post-’90s Decline Of Wallet Chains Leading To Millennial Spike In Wallet Theft
DES MOINES, IA — According to a recent study conducted by the Institute for the Research on Residual ’90s Influences, the annual rate of wallet […]
Students Disappointed At Enormous Activities Fair’s Lack Of Enormous Activities
WESTWOOD—“I’ve never felt so bitterly disappointed in my life,” said freshman Emily Offshore. Like many others, Offshore visited UCLA’s Enormous Activities Fair (EAF) to view the […]
‘Gaping Death Pit’ Swallows Dozens Of Graduating Seniors
WESTWOOD—Following reports of several missing graduates, a search and rescue operation carried out by the Los Angeles Fire Department this morning revealed a total of […]
A Song Of Ice And Fire Spoils Game Of Thrones
HOLLYWOOD – Epic fantasy scholars have recently discovered that the best-selling book series A Song of Ice and Fire contains major spoilers for the hit […]
Outmoded History Professor Reconnects With Students Via Vine-Based Lectures
WESTWOOD, CA — Struggling to engage his students in yet another lecture, History professor Vincent Hall implemented a new teaching method early this quarter incorporating […]