WESTWOOD — Folks all across campus have been saying “see you later, boy” to the skater boy, and hello to the scooter boy, who has been sweeping both the nation and pedestrians everywhere. “Many people say they want excitement in their relationship, and what’s more exciting than almost getting hit as a scooter boy zooms by at 45 MPH?” explained Helen Wheels, a first-year psychology major who should’ve probably paid more attention in class when it came to red flags. “Scooter boys have an air of danger and sociopathic tendencies that just makes me red hot! I once got hit by a scooter boy, and I thought he was just going to leave me to bleed out, but he rode me all the way to the hospital on his scooter. He even hit a more attractive girl, but still chose me! That’s real romance!” At press time, Helen’s new boyfriend had not yet visited her at Ronald Reagan Memorial Hospital, despite it only being a four-minute scoot away.