The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
  • A&E
  • Sports
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • Life
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact

Religion

Success! Jesus Didn’t Cry On His Birthday This Year

December 26, 2022 Jade Lacy 0

HEAVEN — The heavens rejoiced yesterday as Jesus made it through his birthday without crying. “There’s just so much pressure to have a good day, […]

ROTC Students Drafted For The War On Christmas

December 23, 2022 Sabrina Ellis 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA ROTC students were dismayed to learn yesterday that recent developments in the war on Christmas meant they would have to leave their […]

Uncle’s Rant At Thanksgiving Dinner Receives Lo-Fi Hip Hop Remix

November 26, 2022 Dana Badii 0

LOS ANGELES – Households across America are jamming out after the release of the Scott family’s new single, “Uncle Terry’s Rant (Interlude)” ft. lo-fi hip […]

Pope Says Blood Of Christ Should Go Through Brita

November 1, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

VATICAN CITY — Word has come down today from Pope Francis that all Catholics should be filtering the Blood of Christ through a Brita before […]

UCLA Celebrates Yom Kippur With Traditional Bacon Buffet

October 4, 2022 Gabby Bromberg 0

WESTWOOD — The most solemn holiday of the Jewish year began at sundown on Tuesday, and UCLA knows just how to celebrate! “A lot of […]

In-N-Out Burger To Replace Bible Verses On Wrappers With Shakespearean Insults

August 13, 2022 Dana Badii 0

IRVINE — Billionaire owner and president of In-N-Out Burger, Lynsi Snyder, announced last Thursday that the wholesome Bible verses on their packaging will soon be […]

God Tried For Crimes Against Humanity

August 4, 2022 Tatiana Davidson 0

THE HAGUE — On Monday morning, the International Criminal Court began its trial of God for His lengthy history of crimes against humanity. God is […]

Religious Scholars Discover Jesus Had a Balayage

June 23, 2022 Tatiana Davidson 0

VATICAN CITY — On Monday morning, the world’s leading religious scholars announced that Jesus actually had a balayage, contrary to their earlier reports that he […]

Pinocchio Discovers Real World, No Longer Wants To Be Real Boy

June 18, 2022 Bella Dunham 0

TUSCANY — Pinocchio, despite his lifelong wish to become a real boy, has announced he rescinds his statement and would like to become a wooden […]

Tell Us Your Zodiac Sign And We’ll Tell You What Tragedy Happened To Your Mom’s Acquaintance Today

June 2, 2022 Gabby Bromberg 0

Ring, ring, your mom is calling! Is she just saying hi? Or has something terrible happened to someone that you may or may not remember? […]

Posts navigation

1 2 3 »

Featured Authors

mm
Lucas Humel
  • Fetishist Senator Gravely Misunderstands U.S.’ Inflation Problem
  • Undercover With The UCPD Scooter Squad
  • Trend Watch! These Fuckin’ Things

RECOMMENDED

  • UCLA’s Final Offer: Replace All TAs With This Cute Widdle Guy

    December 14, 2022 0
  • Opinion: We Need A Bumble Where I Don’t Have To Message First

    December 13, 2022 0
  • Undercover With The UCPD Scooter Squad

    December 12, 2022 0
  • Trend Watch! These Fuckin’ Things

    December 8, 2022 0
  • Financial Aid Office Suggests Trying Ramen

    December 7, 2022 0
FOLLOW US
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
ARCHIVES

Copyright © 2023 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes