See You Later, Boy: Skater Boys Replaced By “Scooter Boys”
WESTWOOD — Folks all across campus have been saying “see you later, boy” to the skater boy, and hello to the scooter boy, who has […]
Religion
Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
WESTWOOD — After the Trump administration justified cutting research funding to UCLA by citing concerns of antisemitism, Jews and Gentiles alike were shocked when the […]
Global Prayers Rejected: New Pope Is American
HEAVEN — Millions of prayers coming in from around the world were denied yesterday evening as the Catholic Church appointed its first ever American pope. […]
Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
With the death of Pope Francis, the first “woke pope,” the cardinals will soon enter conclave to pick the newest pontifex. I liked Pope Francis. […]
Breaking: He Is Fallen
VATICAN CITY — This Easter Sunday, after a long life of hard work fighting human rights violations, climate change, and church scandals, Pope Francis was […]
5 Tips On How To Have A Jew-“ish” Passover Seder
1. Show up late. “Early” is on time, and “on time” is late? NAH! “On time” is as real as your aunt’s nose, and “late” […]
Local Nun Confused By Concept Of “Gloryhole”
WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Sunday, a local nun was found baffled after she overheard the term “gloryhole” when she went to a park restroom during […]
Veggie Tales Films Season Premiere At B-Plate
WESTWOOD — This winter, the hit Christian animated show Veggie Tales will be filming its season premiere at B-Plate. “We scouted everywhere in Hollywood for […]
New Religion Course Taught by Boy Who Experienced Empathy For First Time After Shroom Trip
WESTWOOD — After tripping balls at a Phish concert and realizing other people have feelings, fifth-year general studies major, Gunner Helloden, was offered a tenure-track […]
University Shuts Down Jewish Sukkot To Protect Jewish Students
WESTWOOD — This Monday evening, UCLA Administration once again reinforced their commitment to protecting Jewish community on campus by tearing down the sukkah that was […]