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Opinion: I Can’t Believe It’s Already Week 9

January 27, 2023 Jade Lacy 0

Wow, can you believe it’s almost the end of the quarter? Time sure does fly! It feels like the first day of school was just […]

Fetishist Senator Gravely Misunderstands U.S.’ Inflation Problem

January 9, 2023 Lucas Humel 0

WASHINGTON, D.C.— The office of Senator Martha Lovelace (R-AR) is scrambling to spin an unfortunate gaffe made in the joint committee on taxation hearings earlier […]

Exhausted Dominatrix Hits The Sack

January 9, 2023 Elena Whitlock 0

GroupMe Removed From List Of Best Venues For Aspiring Stand-Up Comedians

December 19, 2022 Ella Cash 0

LOCATION — Collegiate jokesters across the nation were rocked by news that GroupMe has been removed from the L.A. Times’ list of best venues for […]

Trend Watch! These Fuckin’ Things

December 8, 2022 Lucas Humel 0

Fidget Spinners. Kendamas. Fushigi Magic Gravity Balls. These are just a few of the endless gadgets and doodads that have captivated the minds and hearts […]

5 Tips For Setting Healthy Boundaries With The Ants In Your Kitchen

November 28, 2022 Gabby Bromberg 0

Fall is here, and you know what that means! Pumpkin spice, holiday breaks, and several hundred new roommates. That’s right, your apartment is crawling with […]

Unbelievable! Phone Call You Put Off For Months Took Two Minutes

November 28, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

YOUR SILLY BRAIN — Despite a history of this very thing happening, you were once again shocked today when that phone call you’ve been putting […]

Gene Block Purchases Gene Glock Following Recent Budget Cuts

November 23, 2022 Theo Zhang 0

WESTWOOD — Due to recent budget cuts, Chancellor Gene Block has begun pushing for a new cost-cutting and productivity-boosting measure: murder. “Even if we shoot […]

Student Points Out Movie Was Filmed At UCLA, Cums

November 21, 2022 Elena Whitlock 0

WESTWOOD — First-year Jacques Mehoff has been struggling with non-coital emissions during recent group movie nights watching films he personally picked out. “Did you know […]

Opinion: USC Students Are Dumb Poopyheads

November 18, 2022 Gabe McNeill 0

People make many arguments as to why UCLA is better than USC, or vice versa. Some people say UCLA has a higher academic ranking. Others […]

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Lucas Humel
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