Infant Shocked To Learn Objects Permanent
LOS ANGELES—Stunned and completely speechless, three month-year-old infant Andrew Calvert reported experiencing a deep shift in worldview today following the discovery that objects are permanent. […]
POINT: We Need Smaller Class Sizes / COUNTERPOINT: I LIKE YELLING
Point Smaller Class Sizes Will Promote Better Learning By: Tamara Chang, 4th year English and Chemistry double major At UCLA, classes are just too large. […]
Pro-Feast Militia Organizes and Occupies Dining Hall
WESTWOOD—Following UCLA Dining Services’ decision to close residential dining hall Feast on the weekends, a group of students have occupied the dining hall in protest […]
Student Still Believes She Can Make A Difference
WESTWOOD–Citing her optimistic attitude and enthusiastic involvement in several clubs, sources confirmed that first year Kelsey Weaver still thinks she can make a significant impact […]
UCLA Student Spends Exciting Friday Night Cleaning Apartment
WESTWOOD–Claiming she had turned down several invitations to do it, fourth year Asian Humanities major Jessie Harlan spent her Friday night cleaning her apartment. “It’s […]
Study Shows Hating Justin Bieber Key To Looking Tough To Other Twelve-Year-Olds
MINNEAPOLIS—A recent study conducted by the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities shows that hating Justin Bieber is vital to looking cool to the other twelve-year-olds. […]
Roommate Has Friend Over For Some Reason
WESTWOOD—Second-year physics student Trevor Barnes arrived at his dorm late Tuesday evening to discover that his roommate, Tom Bornstein, had a friend over for some […]
Op-Ed: That Bucket Hat Looks Really Amazing On You
That bucket hat looks really amazing on you. And the little string you use to fasten it around your neck—what is that called, the neck […]
Student Finds Roommate’s Bong Or Dildo, Not Sure Which
WESTWOOD — Stating he felt “extreme terror” and “penetrating feelings of fear,” third year sociology major Jason Schwartz claims to have found a hollow glass […]
Bastard Of Edenborough Pines For Hand Of Lady Arkwright Of Essex Despite Her Betrothal To Sir Edmund Blackbourne
Lo! 1642 years after the incarnation of our lord on the eve of harvest, all of England and her territories recoil as the Bastard of […]