Why Yes, My Daughter Would Love To Join Your Spanish Folk Dance Society
Honey. Hey honey? Chrissie-buns? Come over to this table please, I want you to meet someone. Just put your phone down for one second… Oh […]
Pauley Pavilion to Be Converted Into Sexile Refugee Camp
WESTWOOD – In response to a sudden increase in sexual activity in campus-owned housing, UCLA has announced its decision to convert Pauley Pavilion into a […]
Goth Club To Host Gothic Holi
WESTWOOD—After reportedly “feeling left out” during the festivities that took place at the Sunset Rec center this past weekend, members of UCLA’s goth club have […]
Mysterious Piano Falls On Coyote In Desert
SONORAN DESERT—Arizona Highway Patrol were awestruck this morning when they discovered the disintegrated remains of an Eastern desert coyote spread for nearly sixty feet and […]
Bruin Plate Overpopulation To Be Solved Via One-Child Policy
WESTWOOD, CA – The Undergraduate Population Control Board (UPCB) enacted a strict one-child policy Saturday in an attempt to quell the burgeoning overpopulation issue plaguing […]
Картина фламандского крестьян, что не имеет контекст
Вествуд—Посмотрите на эту картину, она не имеет контекст. Почему мы это делаем? В чем причина? Посмотрите на это Barack Hussein Obama. Только посмотрите на него. […]
Satan Buys Out Westwood Enabler
WESTWOOD – In a press conference today, The Westwood Enabler announced that Satan has acquired the student-run paper. The paper, looking for funds, held an […]
The History of April Fools Day
As the jesting and jokery of April Fool’s Day once again commences, we here at the Westwood Enabler would like to put comedy aside for […]
Murmurs & Rants: Fuck Cal
Dear Cal, Fuck you. No, seriously. Fuck you. Who even let you happen? We, the students of every other UC ever, have a list of […]
Student In Powell Library “Totally Happy” To Watch Stranger’s Stuff
WESTWOOD—Third year biology major Margaret Small confirmed that she is totally happy, in fact “practically leaping out of her seat” at the prospect of having […]