Mom Totally Nails Guest Bathroom’s Beach Aesthetic With New Shell Soaps
TULSA, OK— After weeks of trying to perfect the downstairs guest bathroom, local mom Beth Patterson made a final addition of shell soaps to successfully […]
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“Thank God Weed Is Legal Now,” Says All Of California
SACRAMENTO, CA—Calling the passage of proposition 64 a “gift from heaven” and “the only thing keeping me fucking sane,” disaffected Californians all over the state […]
Man Uses Same Racist Costume For Halloween And Cinco De Mayo
Madison, WI—Area man Joseph Peterson is dressing as a “Mexican cowboy” for Halloween, and plans to use the same costume for Cinco De Mayo next […]
A Guide To Picking The Perfect Halloween Costume
Have you googled “easy halloween costume ideas” for the tenth time today? Are you considering staying home just to avoid coming up with a “cool” […]
Student Gets Massive Thrill From Not Locking Stall Door While Defecating
WESTWOOD—Having already drawn down his pants and committed to a bowel movement in a public bathroom, Statistics major Steven Chu received a massive thrill when […]
Best Places To Poop On Campus
Ever wondered what the best places to poop on campus were? Here’s an exclusive compilation of our staff’s favorite places! In Gene Block’s private bathroom […]
Study: Everyone At Gym Definitely Staring At You
LOS ANGELES — A newly released study by the UC Center For Sustainable Exercise (UCCSE) confirmed the long-held belief that everyone at the gym is […]
UCLA Sanitation to Powell Bathroom Patrons: “Just Go Hog Wild”
WESTWOOD — UCLA Sanitation told the patrons of the Powell Library restroom to “just go hog wild” in a letter posted Monday morning. “Our facilities […]
Report: Alliteration Almost Always Astonishingly Annoying and Aggravating
WESTWOOD–Astounding an abundance of amazed Anglos, a recent rigorous report related that alliteration is almost always astonishingly annoying and aggravating. “It’s immensely irritating,” said Mathematics […]
Hallmate Wants To Show You His Sick Ass Dorm Setup
WESTWOOD—After lingering in the hallway for a substantial portion of the morning, your hallmate, Sociology major Steven Carlinsky, expressed his desire for you to check […]