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Dr. Ben Carson Appointed To Remove Stick From Mike Pence’s Ass

November 29, 2016 Jack Lyons 0

WASHINGTON–With Donald J. Trump’s transition team still filling positions in his cabinet, the president-elect has announced the appointment of retired neurosurgeon and former primary rival […]

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Gold In Them-Thar Hills Actually Iron Sulfide

November 20, 2016 Peter Carman 0

BODIE, CA–The good dwellin’-folk of Bodie, CA, durn had a mighty hell of a shock this week when the fancy learnin’ men in town done […]

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POINT: Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed / COUNTERPOINT: Have You Seen That Video Of The Cop Giving People Ice Cream Cones?

November 20, 2016 Jack Lyons 0

Point Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed By: Matt Styles Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed. Half […]

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Report: Geology Professor Loves A Good Rock

November 20, 2016 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD—Geology professor Dan Boggs remarked in his introductory geology lecture this past Friday that he loves a good rock, according to students in his class. […]

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Racially Divided Town United By Shared Homophobia

November 15, 2016 Kushal Chatterjee 0

  BACKWATER, AL—Residents of Backwater, a small town in rural Alabama with deep racial divisions, have recently come together to celebrate their shared homophobia. “See, […]

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Man Struggling With Unwieldy Water Hose Unintentionally Arouses Everyone Around Him

November 15, 2016 Nathan Grovhoug 0

WESTWOOD—During a particularly heated bout with an unwieldy water hose in his front yard, area man Leo Simons unintentionally aroused everyone around him in an […]

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Area Mom Uses Term “Hook Up” Incorrectly Again

November 13, 2016 Sierra Scott 0

LOS ANGELES—Area mom Lois Stevens reportedly used the term “hook up” incorrectly again yesterday when encouraging her daughter to attend her professor’s office hours. “Surely […]

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Mom Totally Nails Guest Bathroom’s Beach Aesthetic With New Shell Soaps

November 13, 2016 Hannah Ross 0

TULSA, OK— After weeks of trying to perfect the downstairs guest bathroom, local mom Beth Patterson made a final addition of shell soaps to successfully […]

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“Thank God Weed Is Legal Now,” Says All Of California

November 9, 2016 Kushal Chatterjee 0

SACRAMENTO, CA—Calling the passage of proposition 64 a “gift from heaven” and “the only thing keeping me fucking sane,” disaffected Californians all over the state […]

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Man Uses Same Racist Costume For Halloween And Cinco De Mayo

October 31, 2016 Kushal Chatterjee 0

Madison, WI—Area man Joseph Peterson is dressing as a “Mexican cowboy” for Halloween, and plans to use the same costume for Cinco De Mayo next […]

Posts pagination

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  • Local Pizza Delivery Boy Shocked At Scantily-Clad Customer’s Lack of Money

    RANCHO MURIETA — A local pizza delivery boy faced a shock last night when he delivered to a scantily-clad woman who didn’t have the funds […]

  • UCPD Enlists California Highway Patrol to Boost Middling Police Violence Rates

    WESTWOOD — Following weeks of peace and safety on campus, UCPD has announced a partnership with the California Highway Patrol in an attempt to restore […]

  • Opinion: To Solve UCLA’s Financial Challenges, We Must Invest More Money Into Israel

    Hey guys. Westwood Enabler opinion writer Oiluj Knerf here. I’m a UCLA student just like you! I love my friends, I love my classes, and […]

  • UCLA Administration Goes On Strike to Protest AFSCME

    WESTWOOD — This past week, UCLA administration has bravely taken to the streets to protest the injustices committed by the “pesky” AFSCME labor union. “It’s […]

  • Winter Quarter Offers Every Goddamn Class But The Ones You Need For Your Degree

    WESTWOOD — UCLA recently announced a bold new plan to offer every single class for Winter 2026– except for the ones you need to graduate […]

Featured Authors

Grace McIntyre
  • UCLA Opens “B-ruining Lives” Resource Center For Student Anti-Wellbeing
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Zach Fischer
  • Backpacking Club Announces Trip To Public Affairs Building
  • UCLA Administration Goes On Strike to Protest AFSCME
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