Arab-Israeli Conflict Resolved In YouTube Comment Section
PALESTINE ISRAEL MIDDLE EAST—Commenting on a Youtube video entitled “Best Potato Kugel Recipe,” vocal members of the internet came together last Tuesday to definitively resolve […]
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Rising Actress Cast In Strong, Bland, Cookiecutter Role
LOS ANGELES—Hot off the success of her debut film, actress Alina Benning, 21, announced her upcoming role as the strong, bland, derivative leader of a […]
Flint, Michigan Offers To Alleviate California Drought
FLINT, MI—Noting that there’s “plenty to go around,” Mayor Dayne Walling of Flint, Michigan announced in a press conference Jan. 19 that the city was […]
Student Gets Head Start On Test, Asshole Status
WESTWOOD — Attempting to give himself more time on his exam Tuesday, second-year Statistics-major Mike Foster got a head start on his Math 33A final as […]
Donald Trump Calls For Santa’s Workshop To Be Relocated To US
NEW YORK CITY — At a press conference in the Trump Tower this past Thursday, Donald Trump demanded that Santa Claus relocate his workshop to […]
Students Take Break From Battling On-Campus Hate To Hate Crosstown Rivals
LOS ANGELES – Lobbing disparaging remarks at the Trojan student body during the UCLA-USC football game Saturday, students at the University of California, Los Angeles […]
Op-Ed: Shouldn’t ALL Fridays Matter?
This holiday season, we’ve all gathered our families together to reminisce about the year gone by, and wish each other well into the coming year. […]
Report: Single Gourd In B-Plate Promises Festive Holiday Season
WESTWOOD — Sources confirmed today that B-Plate has risen the stakes this holiday season, as the addition of a single gourd to the dining hall’s […]
Student Lists Proficiency At Microsoft Word As Only Skill On Resume
WESTWOOD — Eager to advertise her technological savvy, UCLA student Jennifer Shaw made sure to highlight her experience with Microsoft’s popular word processor by including nothing […]
Freshman Has Yet To Meet Gay Best Friend
WESTWOOD — First year student Carly Lockwood told reporters last Friday that she does not understand how, in nearly two months at UCLA, she has […]