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Campus

Kenyan Olympian Shatters Undie Run Record

June 12, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—In what commentators are describing as a “fantastic return to form”, former Olympic gold medalist Asbel Kiprop stunned the crowd tonight with a record-breaking performance […]

Procrastinating Sophomore Estimates He’s Only Got About An Hour Left To Play 2048

June 11, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—Saying “no worries, I got this,” second year Michael Hess reportedly reckons that he only has about an hour left to kill before he “really […]

Outmoded History Professor Reconnects With Students Via Vine-Based Lectures

June 2, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

WESTWOOD, CA — Struggling to engage his students in yet another lecture, History professor Vincent Hall implemented a new teaching method early this quarter incorporating […]

Ashe Center Doctor Diagnoses Patient as “Sick”

May 28, 2014 Stephen Reichenbach 0

WESTWOOD—Earlier today, the Westwood Enabler received confirmation that a doctor working in the Ashe Center had diagnosed a student as being “sick.” According to reports, […]

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Murphy Sculpture Garden Sculptures Arrested for Indecent Exposure

May 19, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

WESTWOOD, CA – The UCLA Police Department arrested over a dozen sculptures in the Franklin D. Murphy Sculpture Garden Sunday on charges of indecent exposure. […]

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Alanis Morissette Finally Catches Up On Word Of The Day Calendar

May 18, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

WESTWOOD, CA — 7 time Grammy Award-winning alt-rocker Alanis Morissette revealed to reporters late Friday night that the backlog of words created from falling behind […]

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Spring Sing Mix Up Leads To Choreographed Hostage Situation

May 17, 2014 Nathan Guzik 0

WESTWOOD — The much anticipated seasonal jubilee known as Spring Sing saw an impressive number of attendants as expected yesterday evening, though the otherwise exuberant […]

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Royce Light Show “More Dangerous Than Banned Pokemon Episode”

May 14, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

WESTWOOD – Rumors surrounding the Royce Hall light show have been working their way up and down Bruinwalk, and some of them are not in […]

A Bunch Of Grad Students Just Doing Their Thing

May 12, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WESTWOOD—A bunch of grad students were spotted in Westwood village early Sunday evening just sort of hanging out, doing their grad student thing. At approximately […]

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UC Spring Break To Be Shortened By One Week In Observance Of Jewish Holiday

May 9, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

OAKLAND, CA – The University of California academic calendar underwent further modification Monday after UC officials announced the shortening of spring break for the 2014-2015 […]

Posts pagination

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  • Penn State Score Prediction: 22 Dead, 83 Injured

    PASADENA — As Penn State’s Nittany Lions prepare to play the Bruins this Saturday, recent reports from the top experts at FanDuel Sportsbook have revealed […]

  • I Lived It: Blackout Was Nothing Like The Cake From De Neve

    WESTWOOD — ‘Twas the first Thursday of the quarter. I had just spent a whirlwind night with the rankly perspiring men of Sigma Nu, but […]

  • One Millionth Cough Award Given To Guy In The Back Row Of Your Lecture

    WESTWOOD — Bunche Hall 1209B made history this Thursday after a guy in the back row of your lecture received the One Millionth Cough Award, […]

  • Top 5 Dining Hall Beverages That Taste Like Squirt

    For such a pathetic lay like myself, squirt comes around just about as often as this drink. Also, much like the splash zones I’ve experienced, […]

  • Opinion: Nice Guys Finish Second

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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