OAKLAND—Calling it the “best kept secret” in public education and emphasizing “great savings” that will be had on the part of students, the University of California Regents unveiled their “Hot & New” tuition plan for the 2015-2016 school year this morning, which would feature tuition broken down into 1,000 installments of $16.99 to be paid over the course of a student’s lifetime. “We listened to your demands, and we answered. No more of this 5% nonsense… From now on, we’re going with a straight, flat rate,” said president Napolitano, noting the fact that their new plan would require no down payment and 0% interest. “Tuitions are practically flying off the shelf now, so get ‘em while you can! We’re going crazy here in the Regents’ office!” Napolitano concluded her statement by expressing her sympathies towards students struggling with their finances, and adding that certain fees and conditions may apply.❖
