The Westwood Enabler Endorses Joe Biden For President
Most presidential elections are, at their core, about two different visions of America. This one is different. This election calls into question the very existence […]
Economy
Bomb Shelter Subway Whistleblowers Gone Missing
WESTWOOD — Several whistleblowers who spoke up about price gouging and moldy ingredients at the Bomb Shelter Subway have recently been reported missing. “For so […]
Opinion: Being A DJ Was Too Hard, See You In Class
When I first got in the studio, I thought I was set for life. No more MyUCLA, no more Death Stairs to climb, no more […]
Surprise! Student Without Any Dreams Or Passion Goes Into Consulting
WESTWOOD — In a decision that has sent shockwaves across the nation, a student devoid of any personality or soul has decided to pursue consulting. […]
Opinion: I Listened To The Daily Once, And Now I Am Omniscient
Greetings, lesser one. It is I, your neighbor in POLSCI 30, here to inform you of my recent endeavors in the political sphere. Last night, […]
Republicans Propose “No Child Left Unshot” Plan
WASHINGTON D.C. — Seeking to expand on the “No Child Left Behind” educational program, Senate Republicans have rolled out “No Child Left Unshot.” “We think […]
Psych Major Offended At Suggestion Of Therapy
WESTWOOD – Although therapy is growing in popularity, a stigma still exists, and third-year psychology major Nellie Robinson is no exception. “Can you believe my […]
HBO Merges With Other Streaming Services To Form MaxCockMount+
BURBANK — Following the rebrand of HBO Max to just “Max,” Warner Bros. announced today that they will also be merging with the Peacock and […]
Man Who’ll Never Be Truly Happy Brags About Investment Banking Internship
WESTWOOD — Financial actuarial math major Belfan Jordort was spotted loudly bragging about his upcoming internship at Goldman Sachs, despite the fact that he has […]