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Economy

I Lived It: My Face Card Got Declined

December 2, 2024 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD – It’s 3:30, and I just got out of class to go to Kerckhoff Coffeehouse. It’s been a long day and I need my […]

USC Participates In Rivalry Week By Paying Dining Hall Workers Even Less

November 22, 2024 Olivia Maes 0

The Westwood Enabler Endorses Joe Biden For President

November 4, 2024 Paige Reed 0

Most presidential elections are, at their core, about two different visions of America. This one is different. This election calls into question the very existence […]

Bomb Shelter Subway Whistleblowers Gone Missing

October 25, 2024 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — Several whistleblowers who spoke up about price gouging and moldy ingredients at the Bomb Shelter Subway have recently been reported missing. “For so […]

Opinion: Being A DJ Was Too Hard, See You In Class

April 1, 2024 DJ Wisecrack 0

When I first got in the studio, I thought I was set for life. No more MyUCLA, no more Death Stairs to climb, no more […]

Spring Broke! I’m Spending Next Week In My Apartment

March 22, 2024 0

Surprise! Student Without Any Dreams Or Passion Goes Into Consulting

November 17, 2023 Enabler Staff 0

WESTWOOD — In a decision that has sent shockwaves across the nation, a student devoid of any personality or soul has decided to pursue consulting. […]

Opinion: I Listened To The Daily Once, And Now I Am Omniscient

June 7, 2023 Eric Rousso 0

Greetings, lesser one. It is I, your neighbor in POLSCI 30, here to inform you of my recent endeavors in the political sphere. Last night, […]

Republicans Propose “No Child Left Unshot” Plan

May 23, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

WASHINGTON D.C. — Seeking to expand on the “No Child Left Behind” educational program, Senate Republicans have rolled out “No Child Left Unshot.” “We think […]

Psych Major Offended At Suggestion Of Therapy

April 20, 2023 Gabby Bromberg 0

WESTWOOD – Although therapy is growing in popularity, a stigma still exists, and third-year psychology major Nellie Robinson is no exception. “Can you believe my […]

Posts pagination

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  • UCLA Administration Goes On Strike to Protest AFSCME

    WESTWOOD — This past week, UCLA administration has bravely taken to the streets to protest the injustices committed by the “pesky” AFSCME labor union. “It’s […]

  • Winter Quarter Offers Every Goddamn Class But The Ones You Need For Your Degree

    WESTWOOD — UCLA recently announced a bold new plan to offer every single class for Winter 2026– except for the ones you need to graduate […]

  • Japanese Newborn Named Hernández Kiké

    KOBE, JAPAN — In response to the wave of Latino infants being named after Japan’s cultural exports such as Goku and Roki Sasaki, Japanese sports […]

  • Trump Gives 15-Year-Old Girl Apology Smooch

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following new revelations about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, who he calls “the greatest pedophile of all time,” President Donald J. Trump […]

  • Democrats Advance Key Policy Goal of Strengthening Republican Party

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Weeks of less-than-firm resolve paid off Wednesday as Democrats forged a shutdown-ending compromise that accomplishes one of the party’s longstanding goals: strengthening […]

Featured Authors

Grace McIntyre
  • UCLA Opens “B-ruining Lives” Resource Center For Student Anti-Wellbeing
  • Opinion: If You A Stressed Baddie Who Procrastinated Before Canvas Went Down, This One’s For You
  • A Letter To Prospective Student Tour Groups: I’m Better Than You
Zach Fischer
  • Backpacking Club Announces Trip To Public Affairs Building
  • UCLA Administration Goes On Strike to Protest AFSCME
  • Economists Worried As Daylight Savings Runs Out

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