UCLA’S Top Five Sexually Eligible Statues
5. John Wooden It’s no surprise that a man whose first and last names both mean penis is coming in hot on this list. John […]
Articles by Shayne Sweet
Westwood Celebrates Grand Opening Of Empty Storefront
WESTWOOD — Last weekend, people lined up around the block for the grand opening of Westwood’s hottest new empty storefront. “When the family-owned restaurant that […]
Opinion: If You’re Buying Valentine’s Day Gifts From The Hilltop Shop, You Don’t Deserve Your Girlfriend
Fellas – I know midterms are tough. I know it’s so hard to feel romantic in these trying times. I know you straight up forgot […]
Ruh Roh! Scooby-Doo Put Down
OHIO — Tragedy struck this morning as beloved speech-impaired dog Scooby-Doo was put down. “He, like, mauled an old guy for pretending he was a […]
Fine, Sure, Whatever: The Bear Wins Grammy for Song of the Year
LOS ANGELES — In a shocking upset, FX’s “The Bear” has won this year’s Grammy Award for Song of the Year. “I don’t really know […]
“Let’s Have A Friendsgiving!” Says Friend Group Just As Dysfunctional As Your Family
WESTWOOD — This morning, local friend and insane person Sam Man dropped a bombshell in the groupchat as he suggested that they all get together […]
Heartbreaking: Most Eager Lecture Participant Also Dumbest
WESTWOOD — LinkedIn use is on the rise, with seniors desperate to secure connections before graduating, but with a sparse job market, many students are […]
5 Halloween Looks That Scream “This Was Meant To Be A Couple’s Costume”
When people ask, “Where’s pepper?” you can laugh and say, “She got tired of me being salty all the time!” Then start crying and kill […]