Bruin Jaywalking Club Killed In Freak Accident
WESTWOOD — Early Monday morning, the newly founded Bruin jaywalking club announced that almost the entire club was killed in the middle of Gayley in […]
Articles by Georgia McNeill
New UCLA Policy Moves “Free Speech Zone” To Middle Of The 405
WESTWOOD — After the wave of pro-Palestine protests that swept campus last year, Interim Chancellor Darnell Hunt has announced a new policy that limits protests […]
Opinion: Hinge Isn’t Working. It’s Time To Start Fucking My Friends
Dating apps are difficult. Yeah, I said it. “Heyyyyy haha! I also like cats! Lolz!” “WYD” “Taking a shower? Without me?” And I get nothing. […]
Gene Block One Well-Worded Email Away From World Peace
WESTWOOD — After sending multiple emails about the current “conflicts” happening both on campus and internationally, Gene Block is reportedly just one well-worded email away […]
Dune: Part Two Beats Out Magic Mike To Become Highest Grossing Film To Feature A Massive Worm
LOS ANGELES — With a stunning $500 million domestic box office revenue, Denis Villenueve’s Dune: Part Two has passed Magic Mike’s $167 million revenue to […]
Biden Administration Demands Ceasefire In Gaza: “But It’s Chill If Not No Worries”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following an announcement from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that the attack on Rafah would proceed despite international pressure, the Biden administration […]
Boelter Scientists Announce Creation Of Slowest Elevator Possible
WESTWOOD — During a press conference late Thursday evening, a team of scientists from Boelter Hall announced that they had created the slowest elevator possible. […]
New Chancellor To Be Chosen On “The Chancellorette” Mondays On ABC
BURBANK — Following declining viewership, ABC announced early Monday morning that they would be creating a new chancellor-themed spinoff to the hit reality TV show […]