WESTWOOD — After the wave of pro-Palestine protests that swept campus last year, Interim Chancellor Darnell Hunt has announced a new policy that limits protests to a “free speech zone” located in the middle of the 405. “Unfortunately, the first amendment requires us to give you sissy liberals a space to protest,” Hunt proclaimed from the free speech zone, barely being heard over the cars flying by. “The safer, stronger UCLA we’re creating with this zone is no place for divisive acts of free speech, especially when they get in the way of us making a shit ton of money. We wouldn’t want Boeing or other weapons companies to feel like they’re not welcome to speak their minds here.” At press time, Hunt had been run over.
