Dear Westwood Enabler,
I bought a Den Pass to maximize my time at UCLA and to give my uncle yet another excuse to bet on college sports. But when I requested my money back after we got kicked in the nuts, ass, side, and stomach in the first four games of the season, the Bruins suddenly decided to lock in and be good at football. What the hell? Now, I suddenly feel like driving three hours to the Rose Bowl to watch the student section stay half-full. Do you think it’s too late to cancel that refund?
— Football FOMO on Floor Five
Dear Football FOMO,
I’m pretty sure football’s the thing Taylor Swift always pulls up to, and we’re #teamcharli. Not only should you not cancel the refund, but UCLA Athletics should pay you as reparations for an objectively awful start to the season. Maybe those CTE-ridden bastards shouldn’t have lost all those games before deciding to charge True Bruin Fans like you and I $185. Please direct other dumb-ass questions to editor@dailybruin.com or juliofrenk69@g.ucla.edu.
