WESTWOOD — Following mass circulation of Ty Dolla $igns several weeks ago, Federal Reserve Board Chair Janet Yellen noted a significant decline in the monetary backing of the currency. “If uncertainty had an impact, it hasn’t manifested or it’s been counterbalanced by other fiscal extremities,” said Yellen, crammed into a corner of Pauley Pavilion by a group of drunk first-year girls. “If the market does not recuperate in time, the value of the Ty Dolla $ign will continue to drop. It will drop it like it’s hot, for sure.” At press time, Yellen confirmed that the value had dropped to such a level that four hundred Ty Dolla $igns currently equals one Norwegian Matoma.
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