WESTWOOD — After months of deliberation, UCLA has decided to halt mechanical repairs on the Inverted Fountain and replace it with a new-and-improved Perverted Fountain. “The goal of any good fountain is to have a wide enough hole,” stated 54-year-old fountain aficionado Deffrey Jahmer, who often circles UCLA’s campus between the hours of 12 and 2 AM. “I’m just happy there will be a new space for the kids to come hang out!” At press time, Jahmer was seen enjoying white cheddar Cheez-Its nude in the glorious hole of the fountain.