“Thank God Weed Is Legal Now,” Says All Of California

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The ecstatic crowd lining up to remove themselves from reality.
The ecstatic crowd lining up to remove themselves from reality.

SACRAMENTO, CA—Calling the passage of proposition 64 a “gift from heaven” and “the only thing keeping me fucking sane,” disaffected Californians all over the state are celebrating the legalization of recreational marijuana in the wake of Donald Trump’s victory. “Look, I might get deported tomorrow,” says Enrique Montalban, a local farmer, “but until then I will be high out of mind.” Many women throughout the state plan to “smoke a fat J” every time Trump talks about grabbing women where they don’t want to be grabbed, just to keep from “driving to DC and setting the White House on fire.” At press time, the crowd in front of the Capitol was lining up to purchase giant bongs solely for Inauguration Day.