WESTWOOD — A test issued at random last Tuesday by the Centers for Celebrity Disease Control came up positive on multiple counts of Celebrity, indicating trace amounts of James Franco. “Although we do our best to ensure that our system is clean, sometimes it is possible for persons of certain celebrity to gain access to our department,” admitted department head Sharon Biel. Investigators believe that UCLA’s Theater, Film and Television department as well as portions of the English department may have been exposed to the acclaimed writer, actor and director for a period of at least two years. Other sources indicate that the infection may have begun as early as 2006. “Symptoms of James Franco include fatigue, disorganized thinking, as well as an overwhelming belief that you can do anything, regardless of actual talent. A number of students who have taken Franco-affected courses have exhibited these traits,” said Biel. Schools with programs that also tested positive include NYU, USC, as well as Columbia University.