Respondus LockDown Browser Thinks You Should Smile More

Graphic by Chester Li

CYBERSPACE — As you attempted to begin your Monday morning midterm, the anti-cheating application Respondus LockDown Browser™ released a statement suggesting that you would look much prettier if you smiled more. “Come on, how about a smile, baby?” read a pop-up chat window as Respondus’ state-of-the-art facial recognition software spent over 15 minutes of exam time verifying that your face was indeed your face. “I bet computer applications would be way more into you if you didn’t look so bitchy all the time. How’s a browser supposed to invade your privacy without a little sugar?” At press time, the custom browser could be overheard browser-splaining a license software agreement that you had signed countless times before.

About Jay Varhula 21 Articles
The latest in a long line of miners, Jay stumbled upon the Westwood Enabler after accidentally mining through the floor into one of their meetings. In exchange for several precious stones, the Enabler made him editor-in-chief on the spot. Jay's hobbies include: mining for rare stones and metals, singing chanties about the miner's life, and pet photography.