LOS ANGELES — Musician Bruno Mars announced Tuesday that he was “just kidding” about his promise to jump in front of a train for ya in his hit 2010 single “Grenade.” “Everything else I’m fine with. Throw my hand on a blade, bullet through my brain, no biggie. But trains, man, those things creep me out,” said Mars, whose preferred method of transportation is being carried. “Humans weren’t meant to travel that fast. You ever seen The Polar Express? Couldn’t sleep for a week after that.” At press time, Mars was nervously backing away from platform 2 at Union Station as a crowd of fans pressed in.
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Having only recently gained sentience, Maya Chatrathi is working twice as hard to get up to speed. Please be patient with her through this adjustment period.