YOUR CROTCH — Despite eight previous hours of blessed discharge-free existence while you were wearing that ratty pair of granny panties you’ve had since high school, the expensive lace thong you put on six minutes ago is already soaked through. “Good luck getting my latest efforts off your undies—that toilet paper’s just gonna smear it around,” said your vagina wetly. “You bought this thong because you liked the bright color? Just wait until my pH balance is through with it!” At press time, your vagina had stepped it up by starting your period the instant you put on white underwear.
