Gary Johnson Announces He Running For President In 2018

Johnson reportedly had to cut his press conference short when he could "feel that edible kicking in."
Johnson reportedly had to cut his press conference short when he started “really feeling that edible kick in.”

ALBUQUERQUE—Former Governor of New Mexico Gary Johnson revealed today that he intends to run for president in 2018. “After a lot of thinking, it is clear to me that 2018 is the perfect time for me to run for our country’s highest office,” Johnson announced to a half-empty Applebee’s in his home city of Albuquerque. “I learned a lot while running for president last year, mostly about current events and geography,” said Johnson, “and I truly believe that I finally know enough about politics to win next year’s election.” The former presidential candidate has apparently been preparing for the campaign by listening to NPR and watching lots of Schoolhouse Rock!. At press time, Johnson was seen asking his waitress for some crayons so he could start designing campaign T-shirts.