WESTWOOD — This past week, a roving gang of musical theater students hell-bent on verbally, physically, and musically assaulting every non-Gleek within reach plagued UCLA’s campus. “I was walking home last night when I heard a rhythmic beat getting louder and louder. By the time I realized it was their snapping, it was too late,” said survivor Sheri Tan, covered in glitter and hairspray after her run-in with the gang. “They sashayed around me, singing about their little wallets and big dreams. They wouldn’t let me go until I told each of them they were gonna make it on Broadway.” In response to the attacks, UCPD recommends that targeted students throw a CD of the Hamilton soundtrack on the ground to distract the musical theater majors and quickly make their escape.
About Jade Lacy 46 Articles
Jade is an enigma, the shadow at the edge of your vision, the personification of night, and a fourth-year English major and Asian American Studies Minor. She enjoys creeping into your nightmares and creative writing.