Freshman Breaks Off Long Distance Relationship With Mom

WESTWOOD— Freshman Joe Maman made the tricky decision Monday morning to break things off with his long-distance mother. “She wants to call me every day and keeps nagging me about when she can come visit,” explained Maman, a first-year economics major from Pennsylvania who is still planning to maintain sparse bi-weekly communication with his father. “Dad will thumbs-up a text on Wednesday and reply with a paragraph next Saturday. That’s clutch. He gets me. Mom is just too much, I gotta break it off.” At press time, Maman was seen heading to his Psych 5 lecture to learn about the Oedipus complex.