Bruin Republicans Hold Emergency Summer Meeting

WESTWOOD — On Tuesday afternoon, Bruin Republicans President John Lawrence called an emergency meeting after Michael Cohen implicated President Trump in illegal cover-up payments and Paul Manafort was also indicted on eight criminal charges. “I was just telling the owner of a local Cuban restaurant to go back to Mexico when I saw the news and had to call the meeting. Shocking,” said Lawrence, wiping off his custom loafers. “I told my members that they were supposed to go the abandoned evangelical church on Pico-Robertson and find the man in a MAGA hat reciting a defense of Reaganomics,” stated Lawrence, “then, they had to mutter the secret password ‘I want to start a SuperPAC’ to him and he would lead them in.” Unfortunately, the press was barred from the event, and all the Enabler’s source could hear at press time was a long, mournful wail of “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” erupting from the inner sanctum.