BREAKING NEWS: Cousin Mark Moved Up To Adult Table

By , in National News News in Briefs on .
Area cousin Mark did not expect to be granted access to the adult table this year, but nevertheless accepted the offer.

RALEIGH, NC — In a move some cousins are calling “unexpected,” area preteen Mark Carmichael was granted access to dine at the adult table for this year’s family Thanksgiving meal. “I mean, I am in middle school after all now,” the 12-year-old smugly explained to his younger cousins before sitting down in an old metal folding chair squeezed by the corner of the dining room table. “I’ve been preparing my talking points all afternoon,” he continued, pulling out a deck of flashcards. “Net neutrality is a definite pass for me, but Aunt Wendy’s weight loss is something that’s fair game.” At press time, the older cousin was seen haphazardly playing with cold mashed potatoes as the adults around him spiritedly conversed.