Kid Finally Learns Mom’s Name Not ‘Mom’
LOS ANGELES—Sources report that five-year-old Douglas Stokes has finally learned that his mom’s name is not actually ‘mom.’ “We’re all so proud of our big […]
Articles by Saniya Anand
Report: Small Joys Not As Good As Bigger, Better Joys
WESTWOOD—A recent report released by the UCLA Research Institute revealed that small joys are just not as good as bigger, better joys. “To give you […]
Sleeping Classmate’s Nose Almost Touches Chest
WESTWOOD—Fourth-year Economics major Judy Caplin reported that her sleeping classmate’s nose had almost touched his chest during a philosophy lecture early Tuesday morning. “He was […]
Panama Papers Something Something Tax Evasion
OFFSHORE—The International Consortium of Investigative Journalists recently released a series of documents called the Panama Papers, which are almost certainly linked to tax evasion somehow. […]
Op-Ed: As Your Diary, I Want You To Know You Disgust Me
Dear Rachel, You’re filthy. The secrets you’ve poured into me send shivers down my spine. I ache for the day a prying friend of yours […]
Report: Ambiguity Maybe Annoying Sometimes
WESTWOOD—A recent report from the Eh Center of Studies suggests that ambiguity may be annoying sometimes. Released sometime in the last month, the report hints […]
Local Idiot Puts All Eggs In One Basket
LEIGHTON COUNTY — At the fifth morning crow of the rooster, the town crier announced that local idiot, Broderick Heavensworth, had placed all his eggs […]
Tragedy Strikes at Local Spelling Bee. Tragedy. T-R-A-G-E-D-Y. Tragedy.
LOS ANGELES — The 6th Annual Rosen Spelling Bee competition was struck with tragedy Saturday evening as the burning of electrical wires sparked off a […]
Report: Muscle Just Fat Pushed Together A Lot
SEATTLE—A recent study released by the Institute of Molecular Sciences at the University of Washington has conclusively proved that muscle is formed by the pushing […]
Local School Shuns Seesaw For Fat-Shaming
BRENTWOOD—In an unfortunate incident that drew the attention of parents and plump kids across the country, Heatherwood Elementary School’s Leslie Mitchell found himself unable to […]