Panama Papers Something Something Tax Evasion

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The Panama Papers leak may mean trouble for corporations, or politicians, or something.

OFFSHORE—The International Consortium of Investigative Journalists recently released a series of documents called the Panama Papers, which are almost certainly linked to tax evasion somehow.

“Sounds important,” said James McFay, local adult. “It seems as though this issue is something that I should know about, and heretofore something that I should research.”

Named after a country that many previously assumed to be solely a canal, the leak has brought into greater focus the importance of journalism and free speech and such.

“This leak definitely took a lot of investigating,” said Colin Haverford, investigative journalist. “But what presented a greater challenge was coming up with a good, catchy name for the whole debacle. ‘PanamaGate’ was the obvious choice. Perhaps ‘Panama Diaries’ or even ‘Seychelles Shell Companies On The Offshore.’ But we finally decided to go with ‘Panama Papers.’ The alliteration pushed it over the edge for me.”

A Google search revealed that the leak has been labelled the largest to date, completely overshadowing that WikiLeaks guy and the other guy who now lives in Russia and was interviewed by John Oliver.

“Okay, wait, ask me again what I think about the Panama Papers leak,” continued McFay, reading off his iPhone. “I think that it is despicable that the Panama Papers are 11.5 million – woah, really? – 11.5 million confidential documents that describe more than 200,000 offshore companies listed by the Panamanamian company, Mossack Fonseca. And I really do believe that.”

Authorities claim that the leak will have massive repercussions for those who evaded the tax, although it remains unclear as to who these “authorities” are and how they are able to predict the future.