WESTWOOD—A recent report released by the UCLA Research Institute revealed that small joys are just not as good as bigger, better joys. “To give you an example of this phenomenon, I might like to see my child gasp in wonder as he discovers the minutiae of this world that we take for granted, but I would love a Veyron 16.4 Super Sport Bugatti. Look at the BHP on that baby,” said Dr. Philip May, using his phone to pull up a gif of the car drifting to a halt. “Further, we suspect that the importance of small joys has historically been exaggerated by losers who haven’t experienced better joys.” At press time, Dr. May concluded his presentation by stating that old books didn’t even smell that good.